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hello [Jan. 21st, 2007|07:42 pm]
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |cranberries-zombie]

hey everyone,  i'm new here.  i'm glad  that i found a place like this so that i can vent.  here's my story.   i spent the last year in a state psych, and about six months before that in short-term psychs.  my older brother nicholas molested me when i was little, and had become more and more controlling as he got older.  i had gotten a bf  a couple of years ago and he was my escape from my home.  when we broke up  i went in this downward spiral  of suicide attempts and self-injurious behaviors like cutting and anorexia.  after many fam. therapy sessions and a restraining order i finally went home.  i hope that here people can help keep me out of all the trouble i'm so used to since i'm free.  if anyone has experienced incest plssss comment. thank you all for reading.
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(no subject) [Oct. 15th, 2006|09:43 pm]
[Current Location |Iowa]

Well to be honest I never thought I would see this comunity again.. You see I am Suicides_End, or I was. When my account was deleted no one came here and I thought it was long gone. But I am happy to see it has became a place that people feel secure and find a kind ear. I am talking to livejournal now to get the maintanership switched to my new account, so if all goes well I will be able to fix this community up, so maybe some more people can find a home.
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hey everyone [Jun. 15th, 2006|08:25 pm]
i'm so glad i found this! its nice to know that other people had to go thru what i had to. i was molested all my childhood by my uncles. i told my parents when i was in 7th grade. And u know what? It was far worse to see my whole family be torn apart by what i told them than it was any of those times one of my uncles snuck into my bed. And to this day, i still wish so badly that i wouldnt have told. BUT im ok now. I made it thru, and i'm even trying to start a new relationship w/my uncles now that they've had counseling. But I know how it feels to have someone u trust w/everything to betray you. I know what pain feels like, so if any of u ever need someone to listen, feel free to talk to me!
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(no subject) [Jun. 2nd, 2006|10:22 pm]

[music |queen]

I get what most of you are saying.

i understand alot of it.

and my heart goes out to you.

to everyone that doesnt feel loved because i understand and i feel the same way.
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im new.. [May. 11th, 2006|08:58 pm]

[mood |scaredscared]
[music |rob zombie- dragula]

i dont get abused physically but the blows to my head hurt just as much. in my school, home, or just in general i get judged for everything i do and everything i like. i am their fault for every mistake they make.i dont have many friends and its killing me because im always alone. im self cautious and afraid of people getting too close to me because of so many accidents that have happened..
but somehow they always happen again.
i know it doesnt seem like much, but it is..it hurts more than you think. i wont judge you if you dont judge me, just please try to understand..
its only a matter of time, and i can only hold on so much longer.
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..broken [Apr. 26th, 2006|06:47 pm]
[mood |sadsad]

i jus joined here
im glad this group thing exists
i need sum1 2 talk 2
i cnt talk 2 ny1 i no
they all don understand....
this mus sound so desperate..but its tru
..i cnt stand all thts happnin..:(
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EVENT OF TURMOIL [Mar. 27th, 2006|03:29 pm]

[mood |blankblank]
[music |erykah badu/ next lifetime]

i woke up, thinking it was ganna be just another day, hopefully with no physical pain.
i was rong, again....
i walked into the living room, not seeing anyone.
i felt a hurendous pain in the back of my head.
i couldnt see anything. i felt around me to recognize my surrounding.
it felt as if i was on the carpet, but it seemed wet.
i tried to see, i couldnt, i couldnt hear anything but an ear shattering screach...

i drifted into a black abiss....
what seemed like hours , i woke up...i guess woke, kinda unsure.

i could see again..YES!
i couldnt move but i could see.....
i didnt see anyone, but i realized what happened, sorta.
i saw blood, lots of blood....my head was pounding...it hurt soooo bad

finally i saw someone, im not sure who but it was someone, a silouette.

my mind was racing...what time was it, i have to go to school, sheri is going to be pissed, i have to get the blood off the carpet, she is going to kill me when she see's i got blood on her carpet. what happened. why cant i move.she wont beleive me.....

i try to move......yes i can do it. i stand up, then fall....
that person is standing over me...
who is this person, what is he/she doing....
i cant move again, but this time im being held down....


why is this person taking my clothes off...
my head hurts sooo bad...
i realize what HE is doing... i cant move

no please stop!!!
i cant say anything i just think. screaming inside my head....
this cant happen to me again, no stop ...please stop....

then i stop thinking all together....
no thoughts at all...
i know exactly what is happening, i know i have no control,

it finally ended....

i lay lifeless , drifting in and out ....

all i can do is lay there....
i cant move........
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I need some help [Mar. 25th, 2006|04:30 pm]
[mood |confusedconfused]

I know i need he but i dont want to get in the way my dads yells at me all the time now and i stop eating and im never really happy but how can i change that i cant change me but i dont want to be depressed all the time i started something again something i thou i could stop but when my dad started yelling and telling me i was worthless i couldnt hold back i got no clue how to stop im not prod of it but i cant stop its my relise cutting is my reallise from life i just dont know what to do or who to turn to anymore. its so hard.
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heres my story [Mar. 21st, 2006|04:50 pm]
[mood |depresseddepressed]

Well my story is when i was 9 i moved to a new house and my neibors had a son he was 15 acouple months after after i moved there he started asking me too go over and i didnt know anybetter. he keep toching me were i didnt want to be toched he sexualy abused me till i was 12 and then he raped me. after that he kept abusing me and im now 14 and he was still abusing me till last febuary when i told my parents finaly. and now his out to get me cause i promised if he didnt hurt me that i wouldnt tell anyone.And im scared i dont know what to do I`m durty now i cant take it anymore i need help someone to licend to what i have to say i need to be exepted for who i am and how i am not throw out like the trash god i hate me. i just need somewhere to be exepted so thats my story
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(no subject) [Mar. 19th, 2006|11:37 am]
[mood |depresseddepressed]

well hi my name is Rose and im new here
i just need someone to talk to thats not around were i live cause everyone hates me. I'm told to go site in a dark hole and cut till i die.i just want someone to talk too and that will lecend to me. thanks for your time love you all.hope you exept me. bye.laters
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